Sarah has the trots OR

The tale of the big bad wolf and the 3 pigs.

“I don’t care what anyone says Bridge. I am NOT playing the part of one of those pigs! its a matter of principle. I am a PROFESSIONAL singer, not some HAM actor! What will my huge number of fans think of me playing the role of a pig! “

Bridge was finding it hard not to laugh. True she couldn’t hide the smirk on her face and Sarah was
fuming. “You can wipe that smirk off your face! See here.“ She showed Bridge the script.

“Sarah starts to fidget before rushing off stage to return some minutes later. She does this three times throughout the scene. Kevin says to Rashleigh “What’s the matter with HER?” He replies. “Oh she has the trots!” “Ah I wondered what the smell was, she really does try, to make the place feel like home. ”

“Well I heard the producer is sending in the script writer to see you. He’s furious! Say’s you had the script for weeks before the show started and signed your contract with the understanding that you would play the parts as assigned to you. Hefty fine if you try and break that contract Sars.”

“It’s not fair, Bridge, not fair at all. Is this worth all the pain and suffering I’ve been through? “ Here we go! Bridget was trying to think up excuses to be anywhere but here at this moment in time. Sarah would continue ranting as she always did about how unfair life had been to HER. Favorite line of course, ‘Blah, blah, not worth the pain and suffering I’ve been through. What a pleasure a hearing aid would be that you could when she started on that, turn off.

“Jeez Sars, you can sound like an old hag sometimes! Give it a rest! You’re not the only one that life has been unfair to! What about Toren’s?! Stop being so bloody selfish and try thinking of others Sars instead of just yourself for a change! “

“You will have to point out to HER, the contract stipulation. Also tell her that if I have to drag the script writer in again I will deduct it from HER wages.” Nihm nodded as she stepped towards the figure of a male entering the room.

“Look, soon as? I have my daughters birthday party this afternoon. I gather you have a problem over the ..” His voice tailed off as he talked for some minutes. “OK go and fetch her. Bloody ham actors.”

Sarah was practising her vocals. Bridget had gone to fetch some coffees. “You’re wanted.” Nihm. The curse of the theatre. A domineering, in your face individual who was only that way because of the producer. A case of ‘Do as I tell you not as I ask you.’

She took some minutes to read Sarah the extracts from HER contract. Before Sarah could say anything she ordered her to the main office. “Now! “

Walking into the office she saw the male stood by the window looking out. He did not turn to greet HER, something she found rude. As he turned she stared, both of them not believing their eyes. “Martin!’ “Sarah!” More exchanges before they sat down at the table facing each other.

It was difficult. Not so much for HER. She had not seen Martin when he had entered the hotel room. The shock revelation that had put him off his breakfast! ah was scowling as she glared at her.

Martin had eased the door open to peer around the door to see Sarah straddled across him? Mr Piggy who was enjoying the slap of his hand across her rump. "So Mr Piggy." She hisses. "Tell me why you're such a pig when it comes to Miss Piggy." "Cos you're never boar-ing." He snorted again as she shifts to move under him, her legs wrapped around him, the stilettos against his back, with him now taking his rump, sausage and two veg, to the table.

"Oh hell you know I love the feel of your trotters ...... “ 

He wondered, if that was part of the reason, she did not want to play the part of the pig. Maybe, he smiled to himself. She got sexually aroused by the thought of having to put the costume on, trotters an all! He started to grin, It unnerved Sarah.

“So how did you end up script writing.” “Uni on a media course. Enjoyed it so much I thought script writing would be a natural progression. Then I landed this role after I had qualified. They liked the story lines and after I had done my work, pleased with it. So, what are YOU up to these days?

I did look on the internet, browsed some of your work, I think one of your songs had been posted for over 5 months, ten visitors? I was quite impressed.” “He tried NOT to sound sarcastic but what had Toren’s said to him? Still in HER circle going nowhere?

He, like Toren’s though, he could never understand what the hell he ever saw in HER. Even at this distance from her he would NOT have been lighting a match anytime soon! Alcohol? Jeez! That distinct smell of Prosseco on her lips. So that was why Torens had smirked and muttered the line ‘Nother glass of wine, ah go on then.’

“Wait till she spins the yarn, working with some top producers and oh HER classic. Signed to a label. Mind you she reminds me of Vinyl records. They go round and round as well!”

All the years he had known her, even if Martin had not stayed in touch? She hadn’t changed. Still as arrogant, in your face, pretentious as ever Perfect Miss Piggy, Still trying to HOG the limelight!
Still at odds with Toren’s the one guy who was one of HER biggest fans. He started to grin. Maybe not, on reflection the odds were that he was probably HER only true fan!

“I hear you were thinking of getting married. “Working with some top producers on various album tracks, plus signed to a label and of course this. Bit of a side line but with it being Christmas I thought I would take a break and do a regular couple of weeks work. Pays OK and the hours are nothing unusual.”

Martin was looking at her, then looked away to grin. In truth he was finding it difficult to look at HER, all the memories flooding back. It was the “OOOOH Mr Piggy.” from her lips that stuck in his mind.
The way she had said OOOO’ it had helped him editing and scripting, the tail, oops TALE! of the three pigs. Sure enough in amongst the lines, the lines of the female he had added the words OOOOO !

“I can’t understand Martin how you put a female pig in the story anyway!” “Look Sarah. When the story was submitted they said it had to have a female. The two other pigs don’t treat her very nicely which brings to the fore the lines about being ‘Chauvinist pigs.’ I mean that whole section would not work without the female!

OK maybe the lines on the trotters and the pork rind might be a little blue in places but the audience will love them! All of those who were on the panel when we test ran the script were laughing themselves silly. OK, so you have to say ooooh a lot and OINK OINK but its all part of the fun for that scene.“

“That’s just it. Making a total fool of myself! I am a PROFESSIONAL singer and entertainer Martin! Over 16 years, a thousand gigs behind me. “ “Did you not read the script?” “Well, yes, OK,
I glanced at it. It was only when we started rehearsals that I realized what this was about. Then they brought in those costumes for us to try out. The guys working on the background scenery, were not the least bit funny Martin.

One of them cracking jokes. What happens when you cross a pig with a Politician? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do. Though judging by the sight of these three, I doubt they even know what a bacon joint is. I almost slapped him on the chops for that!” Martin started to grin, tried hard to suppress it?

“ I heard they got the part of the three pigs cos they all drive recklessly, hey Dew what do they call em, ROADHOGS! “ TO which he and his mates had fallen about laughing.
Following it up with “I wouldn’t mind having her trotters aound my back! “

The producer had entered the room. Martin had found he could no longer contain the urge.
Uncontrollably he burst out laughing, to rush past the producer glaring at him. All he could hear from Martin were the words

“Miss Piggy, is all yours.”