I remember that night. It was the start of Summer, we had gathered for our usual Saturday club night. The place was buzzing. A large dance floor with seating around it and quite a large area reached by stairs to an upper level with balcony overlooking it.

Spinning colored lights lit up the place with occasional strobes pulsing to highlight  anything white, silver or gold, we could grin as Sarah made her entrance in an all white outfit and the strobes picked out not just her outfit but you could say it gave us xray vision lol

We kinda realized that Sars was indeed dolled up to the nines as to why would already be known to most of us. Torens had recently returned from the USA and had promised some of us that he would attend! It had been over 6 weeks since any of us had seen him.

However there existed a kind of impasse in play between Torens and Sarah. To us it was nothing unusual, they consistently quarreled. Mel was quick to point out her arrival and commented to the effect that she had overheard what was nothing short of a major row that stemmed from Sars borderline alcoholic tendencies; to drink to the point she passed out following recent live performances with her band.

It was one of the reasons Torens had taken flight and headed to the USA making it clear to Patrice that he was fed up with having feedback from some who regularly attended the studio on her drunken excesses. Living with her? Imagine being married to HER! Having a grizzly bear staggering around the place would spring to mind, some of us were of the opinion that he had sworn that if she didn’t change he could see them drifting further apart with little chance of them ever being as one again?

Patrice might have been in agreement but deep down she felt sorry for Sarah. Early performances in pubs and clubs always ended in drinking sessions. Her brothers were musicians and played in bands where liquor flowed like water from a tap, they drank like fish; it would not be long before she ended up being plied with drink.

Lecherous pub and club owners or managers lusting after her, groping and to the point of molestation was if you saw her performing live or in seeking work and similar consistently in play.
Her raw beauty was something we all knew made Sarah coupled with her attitude something she needed AND I can tell you, admired for; necessary to keep those animals at bay, fiercely engaging if needed that fury to ensure her and the band got paid.

The outfit she was wearing tonight was eye catching gonna be a star in all its essence screaming out here was a goddess, you can look but not touch and that, oh yes; if you weren’t Torens? you didn’t touch unless you liked playing with fire or were prepared to lose your balls! Consolation might lie in knowing that you could reach those high notes. Her knee to the groin had gained its own pedigree over the years.

As for managers, record producers, agents and similar chasing her to contract with them? So many liars, cheats and often simply sexual predators lingering in the shadows to attempt to lure her with promises that seldom ever delivered little or nothing in return. She was, bipolar but who could blame her for that? Mood swings from all of the chaos with of course inevitable highs and lows that all real artistes suffer from beit amateurs in earnest; to true professionals.

Torens had been one of the few she had felt a bond with that grew to feel she was special to him, loved by him, needed and that he genuinely cared for her, even if it was at times tempered with a sense of wanting to hurt him, to prod and push buttons to have him curse or growl, but therein lay the flush of adrenalin knowing it was HER, it was HIM; soul mates. A ‘Euphoria’ that truly existed between them.

Alcoholic? The words he had screamed at her followed by ‘Anonymous’ and ‘liver failure apart from losing some of that aggression she had fueled to the extent it was becoming a regular feature re her temperament. The slightest word or action she perceived at that moment in time deemed ‘out of place’ could have the offenders beating a hasty retreat though some did give in return as good as they got which produced a flood of emotion from her, ah yes;  tears.

In fairness Bridget was her go to for some comfort. but she was not compromising in reflecting on her more than apparent; shortcomings. “Think before you engage your mouth isn’t something that you’re akin to is it Sars? At least if you were a male I could give allowances as to where you keep your brains.”

“Who’s with her.” Mel peered over the balcony to look at the female walking with Sars to the stairway. “It’s Jan , ah I see Gary is behind them.” “Lewis?” Mel hesitated her lips curled to scowl, she did not like Lewis. “No and I don’t know what you see in that guy!” Christie shook her head.
“You don’t like the fact that he has a good job and is flash with the cash.”

“Oooh its one of my fav songs ‘Rythmn is a dancer’ (Snap) Mel’s body started to gyrate in time with the music? it could be said that she certainly had the tempo to perfection. Interrupted by the arrival of Sars, Jan and within seconds; Gary. Greetings established along with a visit to fetch drinks from the bar, thank you Gary who was joined by Steve.

“It’s hotting up, DJ’s got the ‘RYTHMN’ tonight.” Danny grinned. “ Rythmn of the night,(Corona) isn’t that one of your current favs Mel?” She moved to grab him as the first chorus echoed in their ears. “We’re heading down to the dance floor for a while.” The departure of Danny was one could say a relief for Sars. They were also followed by Sandra and Kennedy.

“No sign yet of Torens.” Troy glanced at Jan and started to smirk. Gary and Steve had returned with the drinks to place them down on the table. Updated on the absence of some who were busy on the dance floor below. “Gotta say Sars, you look stunning girl.” Sars smiled. “Thanks Gaz.”

“Where’s Bridge?” “Flu so she’s resting up .” Steve nodded his head. “Give one of my fav gals my condolences as I had the same a few weeks ago. Lot of it going the rounds, Dean and his missus are laid up with it so we won’t be seeing them tonight.” Sandra had moved closer to Gary much to the annoyance of Janice. “Lacey is with Tim and the band in Tenerife for the summer.”

Sarah scowled, it was not because of what had been said re Lacey and co, it was painful memories of what had transpired with their trip to Fuerteventura (MORE) Ah one of HER favorite words sprang to mind ‘Stalker’ ! Thankfully Bridge was not present to recount one of her all time fav stories, not that those present hadn’t or weren’t aware of what had transpired. “I kid you not.” followed by howls of laughter.

It would not be long before the others had rejoined them. Danny swigged back his beer following it up with a loud burp. “Danny!” He grinned at Janice. “Better out than in eh Jan. Like your outfit, the blue matches your eyes.” Mel rolled her eyes as she stared at Danny. “Watch him Jan.” Janice interrupted her.

“No worries on my part Mel, he knows he wouldn’t dare try anything after what happened in ‘TomorrowLand’ “ Troy glanced at Danny a smirk forming. “However.” Janice smiled at Danny. “I would not be one to pass on a compliment. Thank you for that.”

“Lindsey! long time no see, where have you been hiding?” The tall slim elegant Lindsey standing next to Morgan, smiled. “In Nashville cutting some vinyl.” Sarah did not like Lindsey, she had a country music recording contract with one of the biggest labels in Nashville (Tennessee) worse still her current album was doing exceedingly well in the charts.

Morgan moved closer to Sarah his voice raised and making it clear he had something to say to her worth, on her part listening to? “We met up with Torens and..” his voice tailed off as he clearly looked as though he was giving some thought on whether he should finish what he had started? However what followed made whatever he was about to say, redundant.

Moving towards them was Torens. Immaculately dressed and groomed he was smiling, eyes now transfixed on him AND.. ! Five foot two brunette her arm slid beneath his, her Dolce and Gabbana dress screaming wealth and prestige, the gleam of her gold diamond encrusted Tiffany necklace and you couldn’t miss the solid gold jeweled bracelet as she moved her hand to shake hands with me.

“Gina, this is Terry, you’ve seen pictures, we share a lot of history so I’m glad he’s here and not in his usual haunt where he mostly hangs out; the studio.” I smiled as I let go of her hand. She had what I would have called dark sensuous sparkling eyes and her smile was hypnotic.

Introductions with the others in our party concluded it was obvious that Sarah was not hanging around. In part it can be said that Mel and Sandra had felt for her. The look on her face when seeing Gina was one of shock and maybe it could be said; horror. “Cmon Sars.” Mel had grabbed her arm and soon they were with Gary and Steve in tow headed down to the dancefloor.

Gina? An American who was boss of her own little empire had met Torens purely by chance in Las Vegas. The Flamingo where with friends she was celebrating a birthday. Returning from the restroom Gina had stumbled and Torens had caught her from falling when the heel on her left shoe had snapped, resulting from knocking the heel inadvertently earlier in the evening, which unknown to her at the time had caused the heel to crack.

The fact that this was the first time Torens had been in Las Vegas gave rise to a promise on her part that in return for him coming to her rescue that she would show him around et. This was sealed by giving him her business card whilst writing her personal telephone number on it. In short, what transpired after that was nothing short of a miracle.

I discovered that the moment their eyes met, quote Gina; it was instant attraction and for the first time in his life Torens had to admit he had found someone who could control her drinking, wasn’t bi polar, wasn’t aggressive. No, she was smart, intelligent and despite her sharp wits with an appearance of being chilled, even wary; was warm hearted.

“Gina is amazing. I really never thought.” Torens sipped his whiskey as we sat talking later. “That I would ever meet an American girl who is so savvy and at the same time someone I can totally have faith in. We just click so well and the last six weeks everything has been perfection.

I had my wallet stolen so had momentary panic, you know, cancel credit cards and other details which being in Vegas added to my problems. When I talked to Gina from the local police precinct,  she took over everything with an air of confidence that had the cards immediately canceled.

“Don’t worry about replacing them here, have replacements sorted on your return to the UK”
Handed me a handful of dollar bills adding “If you need any more let me know.” A couple of days later she handed me a credit card in my name secured with one of hers. You’ll have to catch your breath if I tell you what the limit was on it! Needless to say it got used for a few meals, hire car, fuel et “

Coming back to the UK? Gina had decided to join him. Her business could easily be conducted online and via Skype et. There had not been any need for prolonged discussion re her joining him.
Sarah? Torens I could tell was unhappy to talk about HER. To HIM he had reached the point of no return?

It’s the industry. Screws with your life, artistes get messed up, from ego’s to drugs to alcohol to you know yourself Tel, what happened in St Lucia put the nail in the coffin so to speak. Sars is busy doing her own thing these days, Let’s face it we’ve all aged, you know how it goes with their vocals, how they look and the industry is vicious.

Pitch control and you can have some rank amateur whose vocals are fake, mimicking and worse, that Sars has to compete with, but having said that HER vocals now are not as good as ten years ago. Not as strong. I love that girl but we’ve been through so much and I have to admit some of it has been my fault.

With GIna, I can have something Sarah can’t give me which is ease of mind. Not having to constantly be judged by her against others, you know she does that. Often it’s a bi product of the alcohol talking! You can’t go anywhere with her without running into her doing her own thing or taking off with others to go boozing, ending up drunk and on the floor puking. The number of times poor Briget has had to clear up after her let alone worried about her.

I’m tired Tel, it’s been an amazing journey with Sars from the holiday camp lol to today, after all I will die with a smile on my lips and when I said ‘No matter what you say or DO, you’ll NEVER stop me loving you.’ that won’t change. I’ve loved watching HER transform from the girl that did carnivals and other events to stage work, bands, pubs, clubs constantly evolving BUT

We’re both tainted by what is a bi product of the industry. Sars as you know hates criticism, she gets aggressive, stubborn, Danny and Troy make full use of that to really wind her up but they echo exactly how she is. Deep down I feel sorry as I know there have been days in her life that have contributed to how she became like this.

I spent time in Phoenix with Gina and some of her family, one of her sisters is a met girl from San Diego, the other one lives in Texas. Horse riding and off the road motorcycles. Some of the best days ever. I think over the coming weeks you’ll realize why Gina is so special. “

Torens was of course right. Gina was no singing star, terrible vocal harmonies re Karaoke but taking over his accounting and other business aspects, as a business woman totally in control and professional to a tee his business has gone to a whole new level.

Sarah? Over the years we got it right between us. What gets to all of us is age and what follows in its wake. Sooner or later the ability to outshine the competition re being a professional artiste in an ever changing world that now has post online and downloading of your work means that whereas there was only a small number before, now there are thousands, no; millions of would be wannabees all clambering to be the next top chart artiste.

In conclusion, there was no way Torens and Sarah could ever have been an item to the degree of happy ever after. The situation was too volatile. Living up to HER expectations and HIM having to take on all of her angst the way it is now, from the evolving to the evolved Sarah? You’d need the hide and the mentality of a rhino cos so much over the years changed.

It was not HER nor HIM that was at fault. For those who truly make it to stardom the journey goes way beyond just having a good voice, strong presence. The bulk of chart artistes are taken on by those who are prepared to spend millions on marketing, merchandise, production, training and way way more.

Uploading your work to where you can try to market it, present it, sell it for some works, but no artiste should be under the illusion that they will be a wannabee chart sensation overnight.
Who is to say that chart figures / positions can’t be fiddled? Which of course will affect what ROYALTIES are paid back to the artist. Let’s face it in reality for millions of would be artistes posting their work, selling it? Are you really waiting for that fat royalty check?

In the end, what transpires is truth. Torens (HIM) however much, Sarah rages about it, he put it clearly from his viewpoint re his love of HER  and that hasn’t nor will it as he emphasizes, ever change.

“No matter what you say or DO, you’ll NEVER stop me loving you.”

So powerful because it shows that despite everything that is us as human beings and how we want to control, have power over .. Sarah will never have the power to stop the smile on his face NOR the words on his lips with his last breath, re genuinely loving HER.

Now that truly IS why

Sometimes LOVE NEVER dies.